dating.milaulas.com
Where To Meet Single People In Real Life
That’s a really nice online dating profile you have there. In some way I feel like I truly know you, just by reading it. It really captures the essence of both your inner and outer beauty. It also will not help you achieve any form of wild sex or oily foot-play. Or a long-term relationship, if you’re into that freaky stuff.
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Enough with all of this online dating nonsense. It is far easier to find your soulmate when you’re out and about in the real world. That’s right folks, I said “the real world.” Take off those ungodly sweatpants (the ones with the cuffs at the bottom), and venture into the outside world for some actual, social situations. You’re not chatting it up on AIM with some large-breasted Russian broad who’s probably an overweight hairy guy. You’re not whipping around your donger for a girl on Skype who will likely turn out to be 14. You need to get out, and into some public places in order to find that special someone.
What are these places, you ask? Well I’m glad you guys really showed up for class today. You’re truly an inquisitive bunch. The following 10 places are the greatest for meeting single (horny) people, who are also interested in finding a relationship (dirty shameless sex, probs anal):
Coffee Shops – Coffee shops are great for meeting people if you’re older or a gay hipster. You’d be surprised. Try it out. Just don’t make the mistake of dunking your balls in hot coffee like I did.
Diners – Lots of other sad, pathetically lonely people eat at diners alone. Why not find someone to weep over that bowl of chili with you?
Bowling Alleys – Goldmine. All morals are completely absent at bowling alleys. Go there for ten minutes and I’m pretty sure you’ll be fiddling some stranger’s gear in the heavily graffitied bathroom stall.
Malls – Hells yeah! Malls are filled with “single and ready to mingle” peeps. Mostly minorities.
Wal-Mart – Guys, I’m serious. Wal-Mart draws in a very diverse crowd. It’s not all obese, toothless people in velcro sandals. There are plenty of attractive folks thrown in the mix. (Gag me with a spoon)
Parks – There are plenty of single people walking their dogs at parks. If you have a dog, it’s very easy to make conversation with someone of the opposite sex who also has a dog. Pay them to let their dog sniff your butt. You know, normal stuff like that. Also, if you’re a pedophile, which you probably shouldn’t be, parks are great for hitting on young children!
Food Festivals – Yes sir. Met my spicy Latina lover Raquella at the Omaha Oysterfest. People always be down for some port-o-potty reproductive acts at them food festivals. I don’t know why I’m talking like this either.
Zoos - MILFs and DILFs all over the place. BIG one for any animal lovers out there. Of course, I’m referring to those of you who are into Beastiality. I’m not into it, and for the record I think you’re sickos, but those giraffes are looking awfully vulnerable.
Ski Resorts - Everyone loves a little winter physicality. People also love cozying up by a fire in the resort lodge with some hot chocolate. Furthermore, people love sexing each other. Just don’t make the mistake of plunging your ballbag into the hot chocolate like I did.
Roller-Skating Rinks – A lot of perfectly okay people go to rollerskating rinks, high on amphetamines and spray paint, looking for a little nookie. You can’t knock it until you try it. And you can’t try it until you’re not a pussy anymore! So hop off the air mattress, shoot up your drug of choice, and head down to your local rink. (Us novice roller-skaters refer to it as “the rink”).