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What Men REALLY Mean: A Guide for Women
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Sorry fellas, but I think it’s high time that the ladies knew what us men are really trying to convey behind our often awful attempt at words.
“Hi” actually means “Do you want to have sex at your earliest possible convenience?”
It’s true girls. It turns out the only reason we’re even speaking is because we want to have sex with you. It’s actually the only reason we’re at this bar/club/ski resort/retirement home/McDonald’s/your backyard. We’d much rather be at home playing videogames until we forget what reality is. Now that you know this, ladies, you can either respond “Hi” for “Yes” or completely ignore us for “No.” Any response at all will trigger something in our brains to assume you want a one way ticket to bone town.
“I’m busy right now” actually means ” I am doing nothing but don’t want to do whatever it is you just asked me to do.”
Sorry but if you get “I’m busy right now” after you just asked us if we wanted to see Pitch Perfect tonight, guess who’s totally not busy right now? If you’re sitting there thinking, “Well, maybe he is busy because I think he’d actually want to do this,” here’s a list of things we definitely never want to do:
- Go shopping
- Go out to dinner
- Go to your parent’s house (for dinner or any other activity ever)
- See any movie you probably want to see
- Meet even more of your friends
- Anything else, pretty much
Eventually we will feel bad and give into doing these things with you, but if you get the “I’m busy right now” text, it’s best to just take our word for it.
“I’m super into (whatever you just said you were into) actually means, “I’ve never even heard of that thing.”
We are a catacomb of lies for the first several months you know us. Turns out we hate Gilmore Girls, don’t think your cat is cute, and would rather be watching football right now.
“I think we should see other people…” actually means, “I’m banging a hotter chick.”
Nothing really to say here. It’s a cruel world out there, girls. You’re better off just not dating us until we’re 30, or maybe try dating somebody who doesn’t totally suck ass? I don’t know, just a suggestion. If his name is Tad and he’s wearing a tank top and a backwards hat take a step back and really ask yourself, is it worth it? There’s plenty of dudes out there who listen to interesting music, watch interesting movies and have a perspective on life that will actually challenge you (HINT: we’re the ones not retweeting @MensHumor).
“I want to have sex” actually means “I want to have sex.”
This might be the only honest sentence we are capable of. If you hear this sentence we are 100% telling the truth.
Cherish this moment.