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The League of Unextraordinary Women
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Last week’s post flavors of men to stay away from was well-received. As a matter of fact, it was so well-received that I figured I needed to do a response post of sorts. This one is for the men…and the women who may not even know that they’re not-so-superheroes. I present to you a few members of the League of Unextraordinary Women—a collective of marginal and subpar villains and would-be heroes. Slim.Shows.No.Mercy.
The Unhollerable Heffa
This woman lurks in the streets of NYC and other major urban areas throughout the United States. You may find her in Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles, Miami, and the list goes on. She’s also commonly found at colleges and universities as well as night clubs. She is the chick that always assumes everyone is tryin’ to holler at her and mean mugs her way through life in an effort to ward off those who could honestly give 2 sh*ts about her existence. Her appearance is usually smedium at best. This pseudo-villain often misconstrues friendliness with holler attempts. Her obvious weapon is her face, which also happens to be her tragic flaw.
The Do Her Do Gooder
This woman is a hero to some and a villain to others. She may also be known as “The Mask”. She is the one who proceeds to engage in promiscuous and highly questionable behavior under the guise of “I’m doin’ me.” As mentioned in a previous post over at Loveawake, she isn’t just doin’ her, she’s doin’ him, him, him, and him. This woman often lacks personal accountability and can often appear delusional. Her quest for control over her life often backfires in the process. She tries to act like a man even though her anatomy doesn’t match. She is oh so simple, yet so damn complex.
The Crippling Criticizer aka The Judge
Again, this is another marginally attractive woman. She tends to lurk between a 4 and a 7 on the I‘d Do Her Scale. She is the one that always has a critique or criticism of somebody else. She needs little more than a few seconds to find fault with or judgment of someone regardless of gender. Her influence on her friends is often strong, as she can talk one of her girls out of a perfectly good man with her skillful and potent criticisms. She is either loved or hated with very little room for middle ground. This woman may also have inner turmoil that rarely, if ever, gets discussed.
The Prodigal Promiscuist
This one is easy…literally. This is the woman that engages in scandalous activity 6 days a week with an emphasis on Friday and Saturday night, then assumes that all is washed clean because she wakes up on Sunday morning to go to church. It’s almost as if Sunday is dirty laundry day and then the slate is clean for another week of recklessness. She speaks the good name of the lord regularly, but her actions most certainly don’t match. It is important to mention her close relatives: The Godly Gossiper, The A$$hole Apostle, and Judah the Judgmental (sibling of The Criticizer).
The Pseudo Celeb
This is the high maintenance woman that walks around with an err of excessive confidence. She is always dressed to the flyest even in situations where she needs to just chill the f*ck out and relax. She has a knack for finding herself in the presence of professional athletes, musicians, or actors. She may range from average to high attractiveness. She lives off her looks and presents an image of being extra classy and glamorous. The term Diva comes to mind for this time, but it’s not necessarily accurate as that term is reserved for the Mariah Carey’s, Mary J.’s, and even Beyonce’s of the world. This title would also require talent. Had her father’s sperm landed on a different egg, she very well may have just come out smedium.
The Leech Lady
Simple. She’s the gold digger that uses a man for material gain and nothing more. The most skilled of leeches manage to suck money out of a man’s wallet without suckin’ much of anything else. Enough said.
The Gumby Gal aka The Hypocritical Heffa
This one is a beast, as she is nearly ubiquitous. In her mind, the rules don’t apply to her. She’s allowed to do and say as she pleases and bend whatever rules do exist as she sees fit. But if anybody else follows those same actions, they are somehow in the wrong and worthy of name calling and reckless hate. This may be the most common type of unextraordinary woman out there. She is unavoidable and often goes by the title of girlfriend, significant other, or boo.
Now that I’ve probably made a few enemies, I wanna open the floor for discussion. What does everyone think of this list? Any additions from the men? Any dissent, co-signage, or thoughts from the ladies? C’mon, you know you wanna…
No Misogyny & Yes, Shots Fired,