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Observations About Dance and Modern Relationships
18 Things I Learned At My Girlfriend’s Dance Performance
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Recently, I fell in love with a Woman, and she with I. We blame each other. Modern (2k13) romance includes lots of going to people’s events or shows, and I’m happy to say this romance is no exception. I’ve never been to an in-person dancing showcase before, much less one for graduates of Columbia College Chicago’s Dance Movement Therapy And Counseling Program. I decided to record my findings in the interest of love, knowledge, and having something to do with my hands (I have a deficit disorder). This is what I learned!
1. It Works Just Like A Play! You get a program and pick your own seat, a draped coat means please do NOT sit here, and there’s an intermission when you least expect it. Easy. I can do this.
2. No One Else Is Taking Notes. I don’t know if they’re just super good at remembering choreography the way I’m good at remembering Method Man lyrics, or what. Embarrassing? Maybe. I’ll use the quiet pencil sharpener.
3. My Support Is Needed. Susan Kolbmenoir-Byzantine from the alumni council thinks she’s being cute by asking for donations with her little jokes, but it’s really grating. I came here to watch dancers dance, and I already gave my Suggestive Donation of $6.90.
4. Artistic Dancers Don’t All Dance At The Same Time. You know how you see swimming on TV and everyone’s doing it at the same time, but then you go to a public pool and everyone’s doing something different? Such is this ‘Modern’ dance era, unless the next one is in synch. That was my first watching dance, and it was pretty cool.
5. They Don’t Really Bow At The End Of A Dance. They just trot off all springy, like weird gazelles.
6. You Can’t Look All That Sad While Jumping. Ok, this one is clearly a sad piece of dance, and it does go well with the sadness of the music, but all that goes out the window every time someone jumps. Am excited to be feeling things though, this may mean I’m getting it.
7. Projection. If you’re projecting yourself dancing onto yourself dancing, the audience will have a hard time understanding what’s going on. Not all these pieces are equally good.
8. They Used All The Planes. Am I getting this right? In this one, they used all of the moving angles and the entire space/width/depth with just three people and an Adele song. It was kinda like a see-through watch, where the movement looks cool but you can’t put your finger on what it’s doing. That was a dope dance piece.
9. Oh, Her Friend Is In This One. Alma? Marlena? Amanda? ‘Manda? Amanda but NOT Mandy? Mandy but NEVER Amanda? Marla?
10. The Dancers Have Not Come Into Or Danced With The Audience So Far. So, good.
11. This One Woman Was Treated Very Badly By Her Landlord Or Dad. Or both, jesus. It’s hard to follow cause they’re not allowed to have words, but – I’m crying. I’m crying now. Whoever this dude was, he was fucking awful.
12. If You Cry Through Intermission, Old Ladies Give You Candy. I don’t know why I ever stopped crying in public, this is fantastic! Hope the next round is lighter, though. Yeeesh.
13. I Am Pretty Sure The Dancers All Fell On Purpose. And that it was supposed to be funny. The usher wasn’t sure, but we agreed to discuss it later. Oh, her thing is up next!
14. It’s The Beautiful. It’s, she, she, that’s what moves like beauty is, I- [Here I stopped taking notes for the length of the Isaac Hayes version of "Walk On By”, my new favorite song.]
15. Standing Ovations. Appropriate. First one on his feet, shame on the rest of the audience. Last one to stop clapping, more shame on them.
16. Legs Are A Big Deal. I assumed there’d be an equal amount of arm and leg movements, but my final tally has it at about 70/30. I’ll ask her about that later.
17. You Are Unwelcome In The Dressing Room. Even if you’ve already seen one of the people naked, and half of the people in the dressing room are dudes, and you brought enough flowers for everyone, waiting outside is customary.
18. Dancer’s Rest. She will be very flattered and exhausted by your questions afterward. If the bus home is empty enough, there will be plenty of room to show her all the new the moves you learned!