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Simple Rules for Navigating Life and Dating
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Here are some simple rules I want to pass along, things I’ve learned the hard way and some I’ve had to re-learn. I don’t believe in too many hard and fast rules, but I think these are nearly always good to follow. [I'll add to this page in the future as I see fit.]
Never reward bad behavior in women.
If you do, you’ll have no one but yourself to blame for your circumstances. Rewarding bad behavior is like being in a bad relationship, even if you’ve only just met the girl. In most cases, you should just walk away. Don’t waste your time. It’s the most precious thing you have.
And especially, don’t spend time with women that hold you to a higher standard than they hold themselves to. This leads nowhere.
Don’t take rejection personally.
There are so many fish in the sea and it’s entirely unreasonable to expect that every woman in the world will find you attractive, funny, interesting, and so forth. Focus on the women that are into you and that you’re into. It’s a win/win. Sometimes women will pretend not to be interested in you and that’s a whole other story. And very importantly: don’t over-react and act poorly if a girl gets rude with you. Just walk away. There’s no need to get in a battle of wits with a ninny. Many women are so insecure and have so little going for them that all they can ever hope to do is prop up their fragile egos. A lot of men are like that too.
Don’t expect too much.
You might expect that I’d be saying this about women, but I think we know that would be redundant. No, here I’m speaking about life in general. A reader sent me a link that I think is worthwhile sharing here. You can skip over the sing-along part. On the whole, I think that Alain de Botton has it right. There’s no need to assume that everything will go swimmingly all the time. This applies to all aspects of life, indeed to life in general. It may be a factor of my age (mid thirties) but this way of looking at things speaks to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t go after what I want in life. It doesn’t mean I don’t succeed. It just means I’m more content zen with how things are. [UPDATE: I can also highly recommend Seneca's Moral Letters to Lucilius]
Keep an open mind
Unless you’re never wrong, unless you’ve never changed your mind about anything, this is the advice for you. I suspect that if you believe that those things are true about you, your life is a hopeless mess and reading a list of simple rules isn’t going to help you anyway. In life you must be flexible and tolerant. It’s the only way you’re going to learn and grow. After all, the man you are today might not want to spend a lot of time talking to the man you were ten or fifteen years ago.
Appreciate your achievements in life
Too many men I know are too hard on themselves. Look back honestly over your life and try and appreciate what you’ve accomplished. We’ve all had failures, sure, but many of us fail to recognize our achievements. It can be so easy to overlook the good things we’ve done and the things we’ve enjoyed in life. When things are going sour, sometimes it’s good to simply look back and remember a time when something went well. Things can’t always go well, but no one can truly take away your good memories.
DON’T PANIC
I can’t stress this enough. It is perhaps the most important advice you’ll ever get in life. I am not being ironic. Well, mostly I’m not being ironic.