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“When you are in a hole…stop digging.”- Denis Healey, former British defense minister (attributed)

Much basic dating game instruction involves what to stop doing as much as what to actually do. Before you focus on things that will help you advance socially and close the deal, get rid of all the passive moves that kill your game before you even get in the door.

• Don’t hesitate: spontaneity is the spice of social life; hop into a set because the perfect opportunity will never come.
• Don’t abide oneitis: if a set goes bad, get into another one before you drive yourself crazy analyzing yourself and bemoaning your lost love.
• Don’t be a suckup: resist the betatized urge to reflexively agree with a girl, to laugh at her jokes, praise her for her resume, compliment her interests; only then can you cultivate the aloof, smooth personality.
• Don’t invade a woman’s space: avoid the lean-in, excessive eye contact, non-sequitur kino and interruption.
• Don’t be a subordinate clinger: if a woman does not respond to your game or tries to dominate you, “punish” her by leaving the set.
• Don’t be reactive: avoid expressions of frustration, anger, pettiness, jealousy or overt joy.
• Don’t over-impose your presence: call/text her once and wait for her to get back to you. If she can’t be bothered, drop it and sharpen your game for the next one.
• Don’t dress like a slob: for men this is not difficult, get clothes that fit well and get into reasonable shape.
• Don’t be like every other guy.

There is absolutely nothing degrading or manipulative about any of these steps. They are simply ways to avoid alienating the women you are talking to – in fact, ways to better give them what they want. Once you’ve backed off on what not to do, you can take advantage of the opportunities you’ve created.

Roissy himself recently documented a list of beta foibles observed at a house party. It reads like an encyclopedia of cringeworthy social failure. To understand the degree of impairment among today’s men it’s important to recall Roissy’s annotation: “None of these men were socially awkward losers. They were all normal men with well-rounded lives…the kind of guys women claim to want to date.” Among their bungles:

• Laser-like focus of his eyes on her eyes.
• Leaning into her (in some cases the girl actually leaned back, like she was trying to escape his bad breath).
• Constant smiling.
• Rapid-fire talking.
• Interrupting her to vociferously agree with whatever she was saying.
• Too much laughing, and laughing too hard at ostensibly unfunny female jokes.
• Telling long-winded stories.
• Getting a laugh from her, and then repeating his brilliant joke for good measure.
• Nervous body tics (rubbing of fingertips on glasses, shifting of feet, crossing and uncrossing of arms, scratching of ears and noses).
• Relying too heavily on unsubtle sexual innuendo.
• Constantly asking if she needed a new drink.
• Excessive head nodding.
• Asking a lot of questions.
• Dutifully answering her questions.
• Never touching her.

Take a real inventory of your social toolbox; if you do any of these things, you know who you are. Take the first step towards a better life and stop sucking.

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