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Like a Carbon Footprint, Can You Leave a Dating Footprint?

Have you been a Sasquatch stomping around in your dating community? Do you have a nickname or moniker that people refer to… such as “One F*** Chuck,” “Grand Gesture Gary” or “Louis Vuitton Louise.” If you are now known by a nickname or derogatory hand gesture, you may be in danger of having a huge dating footprint.

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In today’s social-community oriented dating world, you want to maintain the smallest dating footprint manageable. If you live in a small town, you know how hard this can be, but what some city mice don’t understand is that they are known far and wide as THAT guy who will leave his wallet in the car/jacket/apartment/etc and promise to pick up the tab next time. But there never is a next time.

Its pretty obvious how to avoid some of the larger snafus (The Golden Rule), but what if you are a Halitosis Helen and don’t know why people change sidewalks when they see you coming? You can ask your friends, they might even be honest with you… but, in the meantime, here are some common, easy to fix areas that can start reducing your dating footprint:

1. Smell. If you smell, your footprint is larger than you think. No self-respecting friend will set up another friend with someone who smells and you run the risk of driving off all but the sensory impaired. First, stop listening to the Axe Ads! As a recent blogging friend of mine said, “Your cologne can gag a maggot!” Tone it down on the spritzer. Dabbing a few pulse points does more for leaving a savory vapor trail than stunning people in your wake with a wallop of Obsession. Brush your teeth. Eat healthily (ie. the way our bodies were meant to eat… produce, non-processed, etc.) and you will smell like some sort of yummy even when you forget deodorant. Make sure you regularly use that porcelain or tiled water fixture in your bathroom… yes, that’s right… its there to get the stink off!
2. Follow up! If you say you are going to call, call. If you give someone your number, answer the phone! Nothing increases your dating footprint like standing someone up. Believe me… if you make a habit of doing this, word has gotten around.
3. Lying. *sigh* Do I really need to talk about this one? If you are a liar and know it, don’t be surprised to find strangers suspicious of you after learning your name or “anonymous” phone calls being made to the “new person” in your life to let them know that you still have several “old persons” around. It can really get messy. Just be honest, and you don’t have to worry about it (much keep track all of the lies you’ve told!)
4. Gossip Girl! If you kiss and tell, to EVERYONE, you are increasing your footprint exponentially. Many guys have a no gossip policy (maybe they have been victims in the past) and if they catch wind of your antics, you are going to get one heck of a cold shoulder. Guys, this one goes for you too. If you did indeed do the deed, don’t tell your whole pack… just keep your mouth shut and savor the memory.
5. Bed Notchers. You know who you are. If you go home with a different person every night, you are going to be known as easy. Guys, you may think this increases your game, but for most non-prostitutes, not so much. Girls don’t want a “man ho” any more than your momma wants to know her baby boy IS one.
6. Tech-tonic. Yes, you heard me right. If you have an unhealthy addiction to your technology, people are talking about you. Yes, I am talking to you Ms. Phone Answerer at least 5 times since I’ve been writing this post and you are with a CUTE date! He can come over here when he gets completely exasperated… Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, put down the phone! Do not bring up your latest Wii triumph on a date! Stop with the iPhone apps! 
7. Clothing impaired. I am all about “unique” style but not “unique” as in “Get that ginormous walking Rubik Cube out of my house!” If you are showing up for dates and not an artist known for being flamboyantly fabulous, please put the rhinestoned purple glasses back on the rack. Mumus must go back to grandma and 20 year old holy t-shirt needs to either be enshrined (never to be worn again) or turned into a dust rag. Other general date-wear no no’s — rainbow tye dye, micro minis after 25, caftans (unless you are a fashionista twig and know how to make it work), pit stained shirts, anything bedazzled, something that looks like you rolled in your dog’s bed… if you need help, there are hundreds of magazines, TV shows, etc to help you out. You don’t have to be perfect, but think twice about the lasting impact you are making by wearing the neon yellow and orange tropical patterned dress.
8. Drunk Date. Know your limits! If you throw up in someones car or on their shoes or mash your alcohol fumed mouth all over their face, you are soooo not getting a second date. Slurring can in some cases be over looked, but needing to be propped places so your date can open the door for you, no bueno.
9. Name Dropper. Showing off in any form or fashion increases your footprint but not in a good way. You will become known for exactly what you are bragging about, but it will be more along the lines of… he’s such a poser, can you believe he thinks I care that he knows XYZ celebrity or owns a BMW? Or, she is so all about who her daddy is, she forgot to tell me who she is!
10. The last and final for this post… The Swivel Stick. Is your head turning at every other person walking by except your date? Then you are one of the dreaded swivel sticks. The kind of date who makes their date feel invisible. Your date may take advantage of this by text-arranging her next date of the evening while at the table with you and not be in any danger of increasing her dating footprint… because she knows you’ll never notice.